Dear Ms. 43,
My name is Neil Estep. You may not know me, but we’ve met on several occasions, informally. In fact, I’ve been inside you - deep, deep inside you - but perhaps that still doesn’t register. This comes as no surprise, however, since the number of people having similar encounters grows exponentially even I as write. I have heard rumors of skateboards, duffel bags, and even dogs sharing this experience. I do not wish to upset you, only to state a fact: you are a dirty, dirty whore.
Now, as we all know, a whore is a whore and anything less is not. There is no such thing as a part-time whore or an occasional whore. A whore with scruples practically defines contradiction. You see, in allowing a person to be inside you - often multiple times per day - a relationship is built, one that is understood by both parties. An unwritten contract is formed that, when applied appropriately, lays out one simple rule: when we agree to meet, you will show up, open your doors, and take me for a ride. I’m offering to pay, so what’s going on?
It is understood that from time to time things may arise that prevent your timely arrival. In such cases, I’ve given you plenty of slack. I know you have many appointments to keep. Alas, you've now continually stood me up, frequently making me quite late, and I don’t know what to do. Today alone, I waited almost an hour. I could’ve picked up a different bus, but I stayed because we have history.
In all seriousness, stop making me late for school. It’s my second week and I have enough on my mind. Also, in all seriousness, you’re still a whore.
Sincerely,
Neil Estep
